Sunday, July 6, 2014

Well, Hello there old friend.

I think that it is beyond interesting that even though I have now neglected this blog for almost an entire year that it's still getting traffic from the outside world.

I've sat down countless times and tried to write, put something together, anything to post to this baby. And I've just been coming up short. It's daunting. My life is still in a massive upheaval, and I don't want to mislead anyone to thinking it's all sunshine and daisies.

My love life is wildly interesting, but pretty much hush hush in this internet sort of since. Going from the most open picture book relationship, to this one where if I were to post a single photo of the man he would be sad that his existence is stamped on the internet forever, (though if you look hard enough there are photos here and there.) Going on a year with this kid, and in two month's he's shipping out to Mongolia for a month or so, then Australia for a year, then who knows where. So I'll never see his gorgeous face again.

Work is work. Gotta love the Bucks, one big coffee family.

And the rest is all a very tangled web, let's just say those who know my life regularly repeat to me, "and I thought my life was bad, I could never live yours."

Pretty much it in a nutshell. But eh. My photography has been picking up again recently so that is incredibly exciting.

Since June last year, I've lost a total of 33lbs. And I'll delve more into that some other day soon hopefully.

Again, sorry for the year long hiatus. Let's see if I can get this ball rolling again.

And now a Barnes and Noble bathroom selfie to prove my existence and who I say I am.

Monday, August 5, 2013

That Time - Music Mondays

Hey, remember that time when I would only smoke Parliaments?
Hey, remember that time when I would only smoke Marlboros?
Hey, remember that time when I would only smoke Camels?
Hey, remember that time when I was broke? 
I didn't care; I just bummed from my friends


Going 'home' is always bitter sweet. I love my family. I love my town. But the house that my mom lives in isn't really my home. We still own my home, it's a block away from where she lives. But we rent it out. It's probably the prettiest home in the world. An old victorian with green shutters, wrap around porch, two cherry trees out front, and the prettiest backyard you've ever seen. I adore it. It screams me, my sweet little gypsy house, with strangers living in it. For now. It'll be mine again one day and when that day comes, I'll show you all my house. 

My mother's house is my grandmother's house, a gorgeous 1900s white house with an in-ground pool that my grandmother built so that they could have anyone over to swim and wouldn't be turned away from the city pool. Always incredibly forward thinkers my whole family, not afraid to go against the grain, ever. A massive backyard that used to be green houses, now it's a garden and a goat pen. With pecan trees littered all over. I've lived in the house before, but it just doesn't feel home. I haven't lived there since I was a wee babe, my mother moved back over while I was off at college, so I never got the transition.

But going home last week was so nice. To see everyone and to see the transition again. I've been away for almost 6 months now. Things had grown and been painted it was so cute in it's summer glow. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Cooking Again

I used to cook and bake on a much more frequent basis, it's something I used to do to entertain myself during my bouts of depression and loneliness. Well I feel like it's going to make a come back, but this time it's all in hopes of feeding other people, and to learn more. I have a super cute kitchen and I want to put it to good use. 

I went by this recipe: Spinach, Feta, and Tomato Quiche

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The End of Things, Sometimes is just the begging of something New.

So, I know I've been quiet. I've been depressed, and upset. 

My relationship with Drew ended last month. It's been hard. It's been a divorce, we've been together for 3 years, lived together all 3 of them, and we've been best friends for 4 years. It's difficult and upsetting as hell. I went super reclusive, only to be slowly drawn back out by my loving family of friends. 

This song pretty much sums up the past 4 months that was our relationship. It's been slowly falling apart but we both kept holding on, I more than him. Because relationships are hard and we were both hoping that it was just one of those times where we were falling out of love at the same time. And maybe that was it, but now that we're out of it. Looking back it's obvious to see that it's been crumbling for some time.

We still love and adore each other. But we're just not right for each other. And it can't work. We can't work. So here we are, still trying to be friends to each other, but slowly making our own paths and forging forward.
"Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give till then to give up this fight
And I'll give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make your heart feel something it won't"

So I'm sorry for being quiet, I'm sorry for not blogging when I should have been. And I just want to welcome myself back. I'll now have a vast amount of free time to devote to my craft and my blog. Expect more from me. As I expect more from myself. I love all you. Thank you.